What is the shoreline of recovery?

I was recently listening to a program on NPR about what makes world-class athletes so great.  There was a story about a woman who was attempting to swim across a large channel of water.  She was swimming through a thick fog and became overwhelmed with fatigue.  She called for the boat to pick her up and climbed into it with a heavy heart.  A few minutes later, the fog cleared, and she saw that the shoreline was only about 1 mile away.  She said, "If I had known the shore was so close, I would have kept going."  Five months later she returned to the channel and completed the feat.

I entered treatment and therapy for the first time over 10 years ago.  The work towards "recovery" is relentless, and I often wonder, "how much further do I have to go?"  I feel as if I am perpetually stuck in a fog, not knowing whether I have a few meters or a few thousand miles left before I can drag myself onto the shores of recovery.  Just like the woman in the story, I think that if I knew how much further I had to go, I could muster my strength and finish. 

But recovery from an eating disorder is not black and white.  

OFTEN, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE SHORE EVEN LOOKS LIKE. 

 

Let me demonstrate the obscurities of recovery from an eating disorder...

Eating Disorder Lies

It is common in eating disorder treatment to learn to separate yourself from the eating disorder.  As you practice doing this, you become better at recognizing what is the eating disorder and what is your authentic self.  The eating disorder is a professional at telling you lies and trying to convince you that they are true.  

For those with eating disorders:
As you read the list of common eating disorder lies below, notice how they make you feel.  Which lies does your eating disorder tell you?  Are there any messages on the list that you believe to be true?  Are there any messages that you used to believe were true but now recognize as false?  How did you come to realize that those messages were lies?  Consider writing about the messages you still struggle with, or bring them to your therapist or trusted support person.

For support people:
Imagine what your life would be like if the following messages played in your head over and over again.  How would these messages impact your life?  What would it feel like if you believed some of the messages to be true?  How can you help your loved ones separate themselves from their eating disorders?  Remember, it is NOT your job to convince your loved ones that their thoughts are lies, or to criticize them for having crazy/stupid/selfish/weird/silly/irrational thoughts.  Your job is to provide unconditional support to your loved ones, and to show them that they are still lovable and worthy, regardless of what they think.

1. I am either fat or I am skinny.
2. Having an eating disorder makes me special.
3. I am more disciplined than other people because I have an eating disorder.
4. I don't deserve to get help.
5. Treatment for an eating disorder just makes people fat.

The Disease of Silence

EATING DISORDERS ARE DISEASES OF SILENCE.

Often, those of us with eating disorders are silently screaming for something - attention, love, understanding, nurturing, help, escape, forgiveness, acceptance, etc.  

But we feel unworthy, unlovable, and undeserving, so we don't ask for help.

We spend so much of our lives denying our needs, that we can actually forget what they are.  We may even lose the ability to ask for help or to communicate effectively with others.

At some point, the ED becomes a silent scream for... something... but even we might not know what that something is.

As a person struggling with an eating disorder, it can be helpful to identify what you are really trying to communicate, what you need, and what you desire.  It can be especially helpful for our support people to understand what is going on beneath the surface of our masks, and the messages our eating disorders are trying to convey.

***Read the list and then scroll all the way down for an activity***

What my eating disorder is trying to tell you...

I desperately want to be accepted

I need to feel loved
I have no idea who I am

I am afraid of life

I hate that life isn't fair 
I just want you to listen
Sometimes the weight of my sadness is unbearable
I hurt myself because it's the only feeling (pain) that I can stand to feel
I am terrified of not being good enough 
I'm afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about
Words and actions hurt me even though they aren't meant to