Eating Disorder Lies

It is common in eating disorder treatment to learn to separate yourself from the eating disorder.  As you practice doing this, you become better at recognizing what is the eating disorder and what is your authentic self.  The eating disorder is a professional at telling you lies and trying to convince you that they are true.  

For those with eating disorders:
As you read the list of common eating disorder lies below, notice how they make you feel.  Which lies does your eating disorder tell you?  Are there any messages on the list that you believe to be true?  Are there any messages that you used to believe were true but now recognize as false?  How did you come to realize that those messages were lies?  Consider writing about the messages you still struggle with, or bring them to your therapist or trusted support person.

For support people:
Imagine what your life would be like if the following messages played in your head over and over again.  How would these messages impact your life?  What would it feel like if you believed some of the messages to be true?  How can you help your loved ones separate themselves from their eating disorders?  Remember, it is NOT your job to convince your loved ones that their thoughts are lies, or to criticize them for having crazy/stupid/selfish/weird/silly/irrational thoughts.  Your job is to provide unconditional support to your loved ones, and to show them that they are still lovable and worthy, regardless of what they think.

1. I am either fat or I am skinny.
2. Having an eating disorder makes me special.
3. I am more disciplined than other people because I have an eating disorder.
4. I don't deserve to get help.
5. Treatment for an eating disorder just makes people fat.

Gratitude for Support

As we celebrate mother's day today, we often find ourselves reflecting on the significance of loved ones and support people in our lives.  This can bring up many emotions in us - gratitude, anger, joy, resentment, envy, loving, lonely, shameful, hopeful, scared, abandoned, and so on.  We may think about who we consider to be part of our family, ways in which our family has been both absent and present throughout our lives, what role our family plays in our illness and our recovery, and our role in building our own families.  We think about what our support people mean to us, and what qualities we appreciate most from them during our times of greatest need.

The Disease of Silence

EATING DISORDERS ARE DISEASES OF SILENCE.

Often, those of us with eating disorders are silently screaming for something - attention, love, understanding, nurturing, help, escape, forgiveness, acceptance, etc.  

But we feel unworthy, unlovable, and undeserving, so we don't ask for help.

We spend so much of our lives denying our needs, that we can actually forget what they are.  We may even lose the ability to ask for help or to communicate effectively with others.

At some point, the ED becomes a silent scream for... something... but even we might not know what that something is.

As a person struggling with an eating disorder, it can be helpful to identify what you are really trying to communicate, what you need, and what you desire.  It can be especially helpful for our support people to understand what is going on beneath the surface of our masks, and the messages our eating disorders are trying to convey.

***Read the list and then scroll all the way down for an activity***

What my eating disorder is trying to tell you...

I desperately want to be accepted

I need to feel loved
I have no idea who I am

I am afraid of life

I hate that life isn't fair 
I just want you to listen
Sometimes the weight of my sadness is unbearable
I hurt myself because it's the only feeling (pain) that I can stand to feel
I am terrified of not being good enough 
I'm afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about
Words and actions hurt me even though they aren't meant to

Do's and Don'ts for Support People

Support people often wonder, "What can I do to help?"  In my opinion, the most helpful way you can  support someone is by offering unconditional love and concern.  Unconditional support means that you let go of judgment.  It means that you seek to understand each person as an individual.  Unconditional support means that you remember that everyone is doing the best they can, even if it doesn't appear that way to you.

Eating disorders can be incredibly confusing to understand.  Every eating disorder is unique, and every person who struggles with an eating disorder has different needs.  Ask people directly what would be most helpful for them, and remain open to the idea that needs are constantly changing.  Remember that you, too, are doing the best you can, and that it is okay to make mistakes.  Be patient and give yourself grace.

It is okay to be confused and to express that confusion.  Sometimes the most helpful thing to say is simply, "I don't understand this disease.  It doesn't make sense, and I know that's okay.  I'm still here for you."

Although everyone is unique, there are some general "do's and don'ts" that apply to many people with eating disorders.  You can use the following as a general guideline, but remember to ask people what they find most helpful.