To Feel or Not to Feel

An important part of the recovery process is learning to identify and experience emotions.  It is common for people in the early stages of recovery to go through what I call the "thawing out phase."  Often, one of the purposes of the eating disorder is to numb emotions.  As people begin to replace the eating disorder with healthier coping mechanisms, it is common for emotions to emerge.  It can feel uncomfortable and even scary when emotions start to surface.   

Many people wonder, "now that my emotions are here, what am I supposed to do with them???"  Although it is important to experience your emotions, it is also valuable to know when to contain them.   

Below is a brief assessment to help you decide whether to experience or contain your emotions, followed by  suggestions on how to experience your emotions in a healthy way.

1.  Observe your body

• Notice the sensations that are present in your body (tension, butterflies, pounding heart, sweaty, etc) 
• Notice your action urges (run away, hide, punch, scream, etc)

2.  Describe and label your emotion(s)

3.  Assess your safety by asking yourself the following questions:

• Am I safe?
• Am I in a safe environment?
• Am I with safe people? 

If you answered NO to any of these questions, then CONTAIN your emotion by using distress tolerance skills until the intensity of your emotion decreases.

If you answered YES to all three questions, then consider the following:

• Am I having trouble staying present?  If YES, use grounding skills. 
• Am I already vulnerable to using unhealthy coping mechanisms?  If YES, use distress tolerance skills to decrease your vulnerability and emotional intensity.
• Am I expected to do something or be somewhere soon?  If so, will experiencing this emotion make it difficult for me to keep this commitment?

If you decide that you are safe and it is an appropriate time to experience your emotions, go for it!  The following are some suggestions and tips to help you experience your emotions in a healthy way... 

• Use the DBT mindfulness skill of observing, describing and labeling without judgment
• Focus on your breathing as you notice the intensity level of the emotions increases and decreases like waves
• If you are experiencing a difficult emotion, remind yourself that the emotion will pass.
• Give yourself permission to feel a little at a time.  Use the pendulation skill, where you experience your emotion for a brief period of time, distract for a bit, and then experience your emotion again for a short amount of time. 
• Practice acceptance for whatever feeling arises
• Remind yourself that you are not your emotion, emotions simply pass

For more information on emotions, visit the post 

"Identifying and Experiencing Emotions"